Praise be Jesus Christ now and forever! Praise be His Holy Name! He is almighty, all-knowing, all-loving, all-merciful; He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, Alpha and Omega, the great I AM.
Thank You God for loving us, for blessing us, for disciplining us, for searching our hearts and making them new, for molding our hearts, minds, and wills so that we are conformed and likened unto You.
Forgive us Lord for the many times we have placed something or others on the throne of our hearts where only You should be seated. Forgive us Lord for any action or non-action rooted in anger or resentment from the hurt and abuse we may be feeling right now. Forgive us Lord for division in our families, Church, communities, states and nations. Forgive us Lord for believing or buying into any lies of the enemy. We come to You Lord in repentance for our own sins and the sins of our families, communities, states, and nations. We are so sorry to have caused sorrow to the most Sacred and Immaculate Hearts by our sins.
I know that was a long introduction, but God has placed on my heart such importance of praise, thanksgiving and repentance! And I NEED TO REPENT!
Being disciplined by the Lord is not pleasant, but so necessary. He loves us just where we are on our journey to Him. He loves way too perfectly to let us stay stagnant. He is always drawing us closer to Him in some way.
Last week, I went to daily Mass for the first time in a long while. I have been a tantrum throwing toddler as of late in reaction to a deep wound of feeling abandoned, malnourished, and left unprotected by Holy Mother Church. These are my own personal feelings, and I am fully aware that feelings are not always reality. I have begged the Lord to take away what is not of Him; I have confessed any unforgiveness and resentment that I have harbored. Yet, feelings linger. It’s such a human thing.
But last week was a special anniversary for me- twelve years since my miscarriage. I had not missed going to Mass on this date, and my stubbornness can be much stronger than any emotional baggage with which I am dealing.
As I was kneeling at Mass, I could feel the Lord tug at my heart. He reminded me that I am to place Him above all- even above my family. I was motivated by a family member to set aside my frustration and go to Mass, but I was NOT motivated by my love for the Lord? Cue the tears of repentance! Cue the tears of Peter when he abandoned our Lord. Y’all, I was so lovingly reminded of how I had failed to live out the very first commandment – all I could do was cry! I was so humbled, so overwhelmed by how He lovingly was calling me to Himself. He was not saying I had sinned, but that I should examine my motives and priorities.
Can I confess that this was not an easy pill to swallow? Oh my! NOT EASY! And I am still examining and trying to take control of my emotions. I am trying to continue to listen for practical direction from Him on how to best live my love for Him in this time in history. The challenge and the battle seem beyond my understanding – and it is! But, I TRUST IN HIM who grants grace upon grace upon grace to accomplish His will in my life and the life of my domestic church!
And so, I prepare to go back to Confession. I prepare to continue to examine my motives. It’s exhausting but necessary. God, grant me the grace and energy to do Your will in everything. Help me to love and serve my family without replacing Your command to love You above all. God, grant me the grace to control my emotions and be stubborn only for You.
I’d love to hear how God has spoken or worked in Your life lately. You have no idea how your testimony uplifts and revives others! Don’t we all need to be encouraged and reminded that He is alive and working? Share, share, share your praise, thanksgiving, repentance, struggles, emotions, Hope, joy…share!
Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash
